Blog Takeover - Tamara discusses the importance of Mental Health

Hello everyone!! My name is Tamara from @tamarazjohnson on Instagram and I also have a YouTube channel too which I would really appreciate you checking out, and if you like what you see you can subscribe and be part of the Tam Fam, I would love to have you!

I am sooo excited to be writing this segment for The Influencer Blog. I was so grateful and honoured when they asked me to write up something for their blog talking about all things mental health so if that is something you’re interested in and would like to see my answers to the questions that Beth and Lizzie sent me then defo keep reading! We’re gonna get into all the taboo topics around mental health that need to be spoken about more! But first, a little info about me!

I’m 22 years old, originally from Berkshire, South England and live here with my parents and brother but I also rent a house in London for University. I study Musical Theatre and am going into my final year in September/October so am super excited to have one more year of hard core training where I get to sing, dance and act on stage in front of an audience for my final year shows!

In terms of social media, I started really getting into Instagram and wanting to build my platform at the beginning of April this year and I am absolutely loving it! I adore creating content, having my own little photoshoot (when my boyfriend isn’t around to take the pics for me hehe!) and sharing my life in photos! I am so grateful and still shocked that I have been able to grow my platform (even though it is still very small) to nearly 1,200 followers in under 3 months as when I started I had about 530! I have always wanted to be involved with social media, as well as starting a YouTube channel which I did back in December 2019, so I am so glad that people seem to be loving what I am creating and I am getting so many opportunities, like this one, because of it!

Hopefully that is a good amount of background for you guys so you feel like you know a bit more about me, so now we can get on to the exciting and juicy bit, the questions! Just a little disclaimer and trigger warning before you read on. I am in no way a mental health care professional or doctor, so all of the advice that I give during this post is to do with what I’ve found helpful and based around my own experiences. Also (TW), in this post I do speak about anxiety, depression tendencies, self-harm, medication, intrusive and suicidal thoughts, so if that is something that you do not feel comfortable reading about, please do not carry on. I want everyone to feel safe and comfortable whilst reading this post.

Tell us a bit about your mental health journey, how has mental health impacted your life?

My journey with mental health and me realising that my mental health wasn’t doing too great was about 5/6 years ago, towards the end of 2014 into 2015. This was when I was 16, nearly 17 and I had just started college. This was also when I was officially diagnosed with anxiety in February 2015 (which I will go into more detail in the next question).

I found the transition from school to college very difficult. I think it was due to the fact that I went from a very small, close knit school with about 600 students to a very large college with around 2000 students. In my school, everyone knew everyone, all the teachers knew you and I felt as though I could go to any of them and they would always help me with any problem I had. However, with college, every time I walked through the corridor, I would see a new face, which I found very daunting. College was a lot more independent, even from calling your teachers by their first name instead of Miss/Sir. It was a massive jump for me and I don’t think I realised how much it affected me until things got a bit out of hand. I don’t handle stress at all well, and one of the main ‘coping’ mechanisms (it was NOT a good coping mechanism) would be to run away from my problems with the hope that when I returned, they would have magically disappeared… (news flash, they were still there and bigger than before! Shock I know!) So, because of this, I would very often skip lessons, not do my work which would cause me to be behind in class, I would walk out of lessons, have constant panic attacks because of all the stress and I would also be having emails and phone calls home, my parents would be asked to have meetings with my tutor/teachers, I was on the ‘cause for concern’ list… it was just was NOT a good time. So I guess that is where my mental health problems really started and I was realising that something wasn’t quite right. After receiving help for the issues that I was experiencing things did start to get better and I was able to control my anxiety a lot better with the help that was given to me. However, over the last year it unfortunately did take a downhill turn and I was struggling a lot more than I ever had. Rather than social anxiety, it was a lot more to do with the constant thoughts and personal struggles that I was experiencing. This I think stemmed from the constant pressures I felt to do with Uni, always feeling like I wasn’t good enough and that everyone was better than me. That I was never going to succeed or do well in my degree. It was completely mentally and physically debilitating. After coming back from holiday to celebrate mine and my boyfriend’s 1 year anniversary, I was unable to return to Uni for a week due to me being basically house bound. I wasn’t eating, sleeping, getting dressed or out of bed. I wasn’t regularly showering or changing my clothes. This all sounds gross I know, but I feel like these sorts of situations don’t get spoken about a lot when people talk about their journey, so I wanted to include everything just in case people can relate and want that reassurance that you are not alone.

How did you notice something wasn't right?

I think the first sign was when I noticed my whole attitude change during college. I have always loved school and education so to go to absolutely hating it was a massive thing for me. Also, I was having a very hard time in social situations. It got to the point where I was having a panic attack every other day due to my anxiety being absolutely through the roof. I was absolutely terrified that something bad was going to happen to me. I couldn’t even walk through town or be on public transport without feeling super stressed and anxious about everyone around me. I constantly felt like everyone was staring at me, about to do something to me, that I was in constant danger. I couldn’t enjoy living my life. Every time I left my house, went to a social event, went to college etc, it was a challenge for me which I didn’t see a point in putting myself through so I started to not go out. I would also turn to self-harm because I felt that this was the only type of release I had. It would give me something physical to feel rather than emotional, so it was a sense of emotional release for me. Then when things got bad again last year, I knew it wasn’t healthy to be feeling these things and ‘living’ the way I was. I started having very scary thoughts like it would be a lot easier if I wasn’t around because I wouldn’t have to live inside my head. It got to the point where if I was staying with my boyfriend that night, I would beg for him not to go to sleep yet just so I didn’t have to wake up the next morning and face all my problems again. The end of the day was almost a comfort for me, because I knew that at least for the rest of that day, I didn’t have to face anything or anyone and I was safe from my problems in bed.

How did you come to terms with your mental health?

After being diagnosed with anxiety, I felt like this was a massive weight off because it reassured me that I wasn’t going crazy or over reacting to situations that other people may not even notice, there was a reason for me feeling the way I did. I know that so many people find having a ‘label’ for their mental health experiences can be very daunting and subjective, but for me it was almost like an answer to all the unanswered questions I’d had. It allowed me to come to terms with yes, I have anxiety, so the way I’m feeling and the way I act in certain situations is because of that. It was also reassuring because it meant that I was not alone. So many people in the whole world experience this and have been diagnosed with it too, so I wasn’t abnormal or a freak, which I felt like I was for so long.

Also involved with this though, is the fact that every single person’s mental health and what they may struggle with or find difficult is different. What I may get anxious about, someone else may not and vice versa, so that’s what we have to remember and realising that helped me too. I noticed that if I felt a certain way about a situation but no one else did, it doesn’t mean I’m wrong, it’s just because everyone reacts to things differently but everyone’s reactions are still valid.

What coping mechanisms have you used? Have you used therapy/counselling services?

When I realised that my situation was inhibiting my quality of life and I wasn’t able to enjoy it, I then decided to go to the doctors and ask for help. This was very hard, because it felt like I was finally admitting to myself that there was something wrong. I had such a negative mindset towards it because I was thinking things like ‘I’m not normal. There’s something wrong with me. I’m weird. People are judging me. I’m never going to get better.’ All negative thoughts like that. I thought that the doctor was going to turn me away and basically just say ‘get over it you’re over reacting’. But, thankfully, they didn’t. After being diagnosed I was recommended counselling which I accepted. I did a 3 month course of counselling where I would have an hours session once a week. This helped me so much. I found it to be such a comforting environment because I was able to speak about all of my thoughts and feelings, knowing that I wasn’t being judged or looked down on. I also found a lot of comfort in the fact that a counsellor doesn’t have any contact with anyone else you know. Everything that I told them was kept within those four walls and I didn’t have to speak about it to anyone else or constantly be asked questions. The only time a counsellor will ever break confidentiality is if they feel you are at serious danger of harming yourself or someone else. Since then, I have received counselling on and off whilst at Uni, during 2018 and I am having sessions now. As well as this, I was also prescribed some medication. Firstly I was given Propranalol which is a beta blocker based medication which was recommended to take as of when I needed it. E.g. before an event, night out, social gathering etc… I feel like this helped a bit but I would still feel anxious during certain situations. Then, when my situation got a lot worse last year, I was prescribed the anti-depressant Sertraline which I am still taking. This was due to me having a lot more intrusive thoughts and me struggling to leave the house, have motivation to do anything and my quality of life was being strongly inhibited. These have helped a lot, I haven’t been taking them for too long so I’m sure my body is still adjusting, but they have really helped me get out of the rut I was in. I know that medication for mental health has such a bad connotation towards it, which is one of the many reasons I wanted to write this, but if it helps the person taking it, that’s all that matters. It is about YOU and what helps YOU. No one else. So yes, some people may not agree with it, but your body and your health is nothing to do with them.

Why do you think it is important to speak about the importance of mental health on social media?

Social media is such a massive platform. Millions of people use it so it is a great way to share things, be in contact with people and see whether you have similar interests to others. I feel like mental health has been such a taboo topic for so long and even the phrase ‘mental health’ or ‘suffering with mental health’ can make so many people uncomfortable, but why? We have no problem speaking about our physical wellbeing like if we’ve broken our leg or if we’ve got a horrible cold, so why should our mental wellbeing be any different?

So many people, all over the world, of any age, gender, race, nationality and everything in between experience mental health, with so many levels of severity, so I just think it really needs to be normalised. Because it IS normal. We have always been taught that being happy, laughing, smiling are the socially acceptable emotions to experience and show, but when it comes to anger, sadness or crying, these are not and you should stop yourself from showing them and try to bottle them up. All emotions are valid and you should be able to express them without any form of judgement or feeling uncomfortable to do so. So I feel like if it’s spoken about so much more on social media, it will be able to reach so many more people, it will hopefully become so much more accepted and it won’t be a topic of conversation people feel like they shouldn’t have.

We love your hashtag 'talkswithtamara' could you tell us a bit about what this is about and why you started it?

Thank you so much! I wanted to create a hashtag that could be related to me and everything I believed in, but could also relate to and be used by everyone else. Like I said before, I want to speak about all the taboo topics and normalise them and encourage other people to do it too, so I created the ‘talkswithtamara’ hashtag to give everyone a space to do that. To maybe share their own stories, experiences and feelings about loads of different topics and make it a safe and comfortable space. It is an area where people can follow the hashtag so they can read everyone else’s words, not just hear or read my voice hahah! It is so important to hear other people’s journeys because they are all different, so at least if someone can’t relate to mine, they might be able to relate to someone else’s and the hashtag makes them easier to find!

Does being a musical theatre student help boost your confidence on social media?

I’m not too sure with this one actually… I have always been a confident, extroverted person that has loved social media and always wanted to be involved with it. But I guess also being involved with Musical Theatre has taught me to be comfortable in front of an audience, whether that be in person or online. However, with performing, you are always playing someone else, so with my Instagram and YouTube, I am being 100% myself which I guess puts me in a vulnerable situation sometimes as I’m choosing to share my life online. But I love that. I still have control over what I share and what I don’t, and everything I do share whether it be the café I went to or doing a body positivity post in my underwear, I’m sharing it because I want to, in the hope that it will help other people!

When you're having a bad mental health day, what do you do to make yourself feel better?

I am a massive believer in taking time for yourself and giving yourself time to relax, chill and FEEL. I think that a lot of the time we are scared of feeling certain emotions because we relate them to being bad. But like I said, every emotion is valid and needs to be experienced. It’s what makes us human. Also, if we try to bottle up these emotions and ignore them, they will eventually come out but they’ll be so much worse because they would’ve been compressed for so long. So I like to give myself a proper self-care day, without stressing about anything I need to get done or feel like I have to satisfy anyone else’s needs or wishes. This is my time to be selfish and focus on myself. So if I have arranged plans with a friend and I don’t feel like I am able to see them, I message them, giving them enough notice to just say that I am not feeling up for meeting with them because I’m having a hard day but ask if we can rearrange and thank them for understanding. I do NOT, however, apologise. You should NEVER apologise for how you feel or what you’re going through. If they are a good friend, they will understand, they will support and be there for you and will be more than happy to rearrange to meet up. But if they don’t respond this way and are angry with you having to cancel, it isn’t someone that you should want to meet up with anyway. I then allow myself to stay in bed for as long as I like, grab a hot drink (my choice is always coffee!), maybe watch some YouTube, read a book, write in my journal. I find keeping a journal/diary so helpful as it is a space for me to vent/express my thoughts knowing that no one else has access to it. I try to stay off my phone sometimes because I feel like this can add pressure to my mind. If I’m constantly scrolling through my feed seeing everyone having a fab day or seeing texts that I haven’t replied to yet this can stress me out more so I like to come away from that. I might have a nap in the afternoon if I fancy one. And then in the evening I love to have a nice, hot bath with lots of bubbles to relax my body and mind even more. I read my book before heading to sleep to calm my mind so I can have a full, deep sleep. There is a video up on my YouTube channel all about my self care Sunday routine so you can definitely check that out too if you fancy seeing what I like getting up to!

What tips would you give to someone struggling with mental health who is unsure what to do?

It is so important to recognise that there may be something that isn’t quite right. This is the first step to improving your mental health but also a very hard one, so if you have recognised this then well done. I know how difficult it is to be able to admit that there might be something wrong, so I am really proud of you! Next, the best and most important thing to do, is to talk to someone. No matter how independent you may think you are, this is not something you can overcome on your own. You need to have people around you that you can confide in. Whether that be your parents, carers/guardians, grandparents, siblings, friends, partner etc… The people in your life need to know what’s going on so they can know how to help you. You may not want to share everything with them, and that is completely okay, but just making them aware that you’re not doing great at the moment is the most important thing. Also, if you feel like confiding in family and friends still isn’t enough and you might need some more help, going to your doctor is important too. They will be able to give you recourses of who to talk to like counselling services or people who specialise in the problems you’re dealing with, and then steps will be made in order to help you.

I want to stress that you, reading this, are NOT alone. Someone in the world has, is and will feel what you are feeling so there IS help out there. Just because at this moment in time you feel as though you are a lost cause or no one will be able to help or understand, doesn’t mean that it’s true. That’s just because you may not have asked for help yet, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

I am so grateful to Beth and Lizzie from The Influencer Blog to have given me this opportunity to talk about all of this! I know it was long and honestly congrats to whoever, if anyone, has reached the end with me hahah! I really, truly hope that what I’ve spoken about today and the answers I have given has helped even just one person. Mental health is such a big and confusing topic, but that’s why it needs to be spoken about more, so everyone no matter their experiences with it, is able to have someone else they can relate and talk to.

I am sending you guys so much love, support and happiness. No matter where you are in your mental health journey, things DO get better. I know that can be such an annoying saying because maybe at this moment in time you really don’t believe that and you think ‘oh that’s just what everyone says’. But, take it from someone who knows, it really does.

If you want to check out Tamara's Instagram and YouTube, you can do so here:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tamarazjohnson/?hl=en

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpFoOwrRwGLDSQs5NafwDgw